I Still Want You

I hear a whispered thought
And it does not seem like my own:
I still want you.

Who is speaking and why are they speaking to me?
I still want you.

Could it possibly be?
I still want you.

I, the creator of all,
Overflowing with identity.
The great I AM,
Who eternally is.

I AM King, Father, Saviour, Lover,
Potter, Healer, Shepherd, Brother.
I’m the only one not derived from another.
My Selfhood is solid,
Not subject to the whims of your opinions and emotions

I am not a force to manipulate
But a person with whom you can’t not relate,
Cause my unavoidable presence, it permeates.

I create goodness out of wild & waste.
I spaced out the stars and placed life in your lungs.

I’m powerful, transcendent, higher than you can climb,
I’m pure, holy, set apart,
And yes it’s ME who wants your heart.

I still want you.

Still I desire, despite the reasons to let go.
Though I know the depths of your darkness
I’m in this for the long haul.

I see past all your masks, see through all your lies.
I see the self you try to hide: Hollow, broken, bare
And I love you even there.
I’m not scared of your selfishness,
Your distrust, lust, lack of gratitude or self-pity.
Your tendency to mutiny won’t make me walk away.
Though you betray, still I will stay.

And, yes, your daily idolatries have caused me much pain. . .
But my mind remains unchanged.
I am undeterred in my Hesed:
My steadfast, loyal love.

Your moments of infidelity don’t overshadow the JOY
I experience when you draw near to me

I still want you.

I want to walk together,
Deriving pleasure from our connection.
I desire deeper union;
I long for closer contact.

And it moves me to action:
So I seek, I speak, I knock,
I restock my mercies every morning
To make sure that they’re fresh.
I give strength to weary flesh
And I bless with a billion other gifts.
I lift burdens and barriers.
I expose your lesser lovers.
I stir up deeper hunger for a deeper satisfaction.
I sow seeds of restoration and wait with great anticipation.
I’m on a mission. Operation: Search and Adopt.
I co-opt the plans of the enemy
So that they ultimately bring blessing.
I ooze opportunities to return to me,
And I rejoice as you journey home.
I cherish and delight;
My face lights up as our eyes connect.
I let you affect me.

I don’t see you as an obligation or an unwanted responsibility.
I don’t merely tolerate your presence
Or put up with your companionship;
This partnership is my prize.
Please realize just how open I am to you.

I still want you.

I want you, deeply and uniquely,
And though obviously I love everyone with the same intensity,
You’re someone to me.
And when one son runs away,
He can’t be replaced by some other face.
I don’t love generically; I love with specificity and texture.
It’s closer to a paintbrush than a roller,
You’re not a number; my desire is personal.

You are precious to me, so much more than your productivity.
You aren’t a morality machine,
You’re not a means to mass-produce good deeds.
You’re not just a tool to be used till you break,
I love you for your own sake.
I desire YOU, not the fake versions of self that you cling to

So many things you bring to the table
To convince others of your value. . .
You don’t have to do that with me.
You don’t have to hustle for your identity.
Take a deep breath and just BE.
And believe me when I sincerely say: I still want you.